A lot has happened this last month, to say the least! June was a month filled with camps, getting settled in a new home, and seeing God’s faithfulness in my weakness. Let’s dive in.
Ministry
Summer is always a very eventful time for college ministry. Partly, this is due to many students coming back from school for the Summer. It’s also when college students, who are usually slammed with school and responsibilities during the academic year, have schedules that are freed up to be more present with one another. That said, June was both extremely fun and incredibly fruitful ministry-wise, and I’m very encouraged by what is happening in Kaleo.
The month kicked off with the first-ever Kaleo Formal, where college students dressed up in their best threads and enjoyed a night of food, dancing, and fun with one another. The Kaleo Formal was definitely a capstone event that embodied the rich life and community that is shared within the group, and I was blessed to witness my brothers and sisters enjoy a great time with one another.
The most eventful part of the month for me, however, was from June 16-25, where I lived out of a backpack for ten straight days and was away doing camps – first with the Kaleo Summer Camping Trip at Don Pedro, and then at Hume Lake where I helped counsel and lead up at Wildwood for Creekside’s Student Ministries.
The Kaleo Summer Camping Trip was an extremely rich time with the college students and young adults of the ministry. This is our second time doing this trip as a ministry, and like last year, we partnered with Gospel Community Church of Santa Cruz, CA. This time around, we went to Don Pedro Reservoir and had multiple boats which we used to wake surf, wakeboard, and tube (the students had a blast). The theme of the camping trip was “In Accordance With Godliness”, and we spent each evening looking at the book of Titus. One student, James, got baptized on Saturday afternoon, which was definitely the highlight of the trip for me.
After the Kaleo Summer Camping Trip, 5 students and I packed into a couple of cars and zipped over to Hume Lake to be counselors. Once again, I counseled up at Wildwood and had Seniors and super-Seniors under my care. Wildwood this year was incredible, with multiple students being impacted, encouraged, and challenged. The theme of Wildwood this year was “Compelled”, and was all about receiving and understanding the gospel, and then being compelled by Christ to go and share it with others. The most powerful moment of Wildwood was the last full day when students washed each others’ feet, took communion, and wrote down testimonies on an ‘Ebenezer Scroll’ of things they wanted to take home from camp. There wasn’t a dry eye in the group by the end of it, and it was an encouraging and humbling thing to witness.
God’s faithfulness has definitely proven true this last month of ministry, and it’s been joyous to see and be a part of. I’m thankful.
Life
One of the craziest things that happened last month is that on June 10th, I dislocated my right shoulder while jet skiing with some co-workers on the American River (it hurt….like, a lot). I ended up rushing to the emergency room, where they popped it back in and then sent me on my way. This happened less than a week before my ten-day stretch of camps, and for a moment I was worried if I’d even be able to go and function. However, God was faithful to give me what I needed for my trips, whether it was in the form of pain meds or helping hands that stepped up to carry things and do the things I physically couldn’t do. The inconvenience of a hurt shoulder was the very mechanism that God used to remind me of His constant provision, and for that I am thankful!
Other than my injury, my personal life has been characterized by constantly getting settled into my new house and figuring out how to make the space my own. My living room is finally starting to feel like a living room; I finally managed to get a dining table, a microwave, and other miscellaneous items to properly fill my kitchen space with; and other house projects are slowly coming along. In some ways, having a house has been an active illustration to me of the process of sanctification: at first, everything feels messy, disorganized, and unnatural. Yet over time, room by room, spaces get cleaned out and overhauled, the pieces are slowly put together, and the house begins to feel a bit more like home day by day. As more things have come together, it has gotten me more excited about making my home a welcoming space for others to experience community and hospitality. The process will probably be a long one, but for now, I’m just taking it moment by moment.
Soul
A word that I have kept returning to these last few weeks is “dependence”.
If you think about it, all of us live in dependence on about a thousand different things at any given moment. For instance, I live in a house that I worked hard to purchase. But I was dependent on others to build the house up to code; I was dependent on dozens of other people (real estate agents, loan officers, notarizers, etc) to get through the process of becoming its owner and getting my name on the title deed; I was dependent on the generosity of my family who helped with the down payment; I was dependent on multiple people who helped me paint, move, and pick up different things for the house; and even now, I’m dependent on roommates who help to pay my mortgage, a job that employs me so I can pay the bills, and a stable and functioning society where I can go to places like Winco or Home Depot to get groceries or supplies to live and function without fear for my safety or those places not having what I need.
But even my very existence as a human being is one of dependence. for example, the average human being takes about 12-20 breaths per minute; yet this is only possible because we live on a planet with a stable atmosphere that can support life. I have a healthy body and a clear mind; yet this is only because all my involuntary human systems (digestive, muscular, nervous, lymphatic, etc.), all of which are completely outside of my control, are functioning properly. And this is nothing to say of the fact that, at every moment, God is sustaining every molecule of existence by the word of His power, and we are only living and functioning because He allows it in the first place!
What’s my point? We human beings, especially in the individualistic West, love to boast of our independence and self-reliance. Our default culture and mindset tend to be DIY disposed, distrustful of relying on others to do things that deep down we believe we can do better ourselves. Yet in our self-proclaimed independence, we don’t realize that we’re often living under a delusion. Our so-called independence is not a standard that we have achieved or failed to reach; it is simply a lie.
With a new home that I’m not settled into yet, a ministry that is growing beyond my capacity to keep up with by myself, and an inconveniently dislocated shoulder that decided to happen in the midst of all of this, I’ve had to come face to face with my weakness and dependence on others. Which, for the record, has been really good for me.
But I’ve also had to seriously come to terms with the conception of my dependence on God. A question I used to ask myself a lot in ministry was, “Do I actually need God to do whatever it is I am trying to accomplish right now?”. If the answer to that question was a no, then my goals were obviously off. For instance, if my goal was to create a really attractive college ministry that others want to be a part of, that is something I don’t need God to do. All it takes is some cool merch, impassioned motivational speaking, and hip branding. I don’t need God to move or to pour His Spirit out in order to accomplish that goal – and therefore, it’s the wrong goal to have. However, if my goal was to create a ministry where Christ was truly exalted and lives were truly being changed by the gospel and His grace, that is absolutely something ONLY God can do. No amount of cool merch, or impassioned motivational speaking, or hip branding would be able to accomplish that goal. Only a genuine move of the Spirit would be able to.
I still stand by the question of “Do I actually need God to do whatever it is I am trying to accomplish right now?” as a clarifying question. It’s one I still ask all the time. But recently, I’ve been asking a different kind of question, albeit just as important. And the question is this:
“How much am I living in recognition of my total dependence on God at EVERY given moment?”
Whether we acknowledge it or not, all of us are living in total dependence on God, period. Every breath, every thought, every moment of our lives is only possible because God allows it. The most foundational question, therefore, is not “Am I depending on God?”, as if there is a choice. The most foundational question is “Do I REALIZE how dependent on God I am?”.
That God chooses to use us most mightily in our weakness and frailty is pretty obvious from the Scriptures (2 Cor. 1:9, 12:9-10; Philippians 4:10-13). But what I have always wondered silently to myself is…why. Why weakness and frailty, forcing us to utter dependence?
The most obvious and straightforward answer to the question is that God gets all the glory, which is perfectly true. But I’ve come to realize that the other answer is because in our weakness and our frailty, we often feel what is actually most true of us in every moment. We are not more or less utterly dependent on God when we feel weak or when we feel strong: we simply are. And it’s up to us to decide whether or not we acknowledge that as true.
As the Summer waxes, I want to align my life with the truth of my complete dependence on the King of Kings and Lord of Lords – the One who is preeminently before all, and to whom all things are by and through and for (Colossians 1:16-17). In all my weaknesses, thorns in my side, and limps from being defeated in my wrestlings with God, I want my life to be a testament to His faithfulness.
Not because my weaknesses or thorns or limp make Him more faithful. But simply because He IS faithful. And that is enough for me.
Sola Dei Gloria.
Prodigal Musings 
So good, thank you for sharing
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