february: sprinting, sabbaths, and learning repentance.

February may be the shortest month of the year, but for me, it has also been one of the busiest. There have been lots of great things happening, and I’m excited to give you some updates! Here goes.

Ministry

When 2022 was starting, I did some calendering and realized that the first 70 days of the year were going to be a sprint. January was an adrenaline trip, but I started to feel some of the fatigue this month with not having the usual spaces to catch my breath. Nonetheless, there are some great moments to celebrate, particularly with the Kaleo Leadership Retreat and the HS Winter Camp.

At the start of the month, 9 student leaders and I left my house at 5 AM to drive to Sea Ranch to have our first ever Kaleo Leadership Retreat. Our time together was extremely rich, filled with incredible sights of the northern Californian coastline, belly-aching laughter, and shed tears as we reminisced on the past year and a half of ministry and all that God has done in our midst. Getting a day to pause with the student leaders and decompress was just what our souls needed, and I got back home thankful and rejuvenated to jump back into the grind of ministry.

The very next weekend, we headed to HS Winter Camp, which took place in the Sierra foothills. To be honest, I was not necessarily excited for this trip. There was a ton of draining preparation that had gone into the Camp, as well as some discouraging last-minute events that made us feel like we were limping into the weekend. But Winter Camp actually ended up being a total blast! The students had a ton of fun with one another, and most importantly were receptive to the content of the week. The theme of the Winter Camp was “Deepest Waters”, and the goal of this theme was to point the students to what it means to go deeper in their walk with Christ. The Holy Spirit was at work that weekend, and I believe He drew us deeper, just as we were praying for. My favorite moment from Winter Camp was definitely the last chapel, where all of us formed a giant circle during the last worship song, “Build My Life”, and corporately declared that we would not be shaken on account of our trust in Him alone. Praise God!

Meanwhile, Kaleo has been continuing our series on ‘Covenant’, progressing through the Noahic, Abrahamic, and Mosaic Covenants. Seeing the students continue to grow theologically and relationally with one another week to week is one of my greatest joys, and I am hopeful and expectant at what God will continue to do in our ministry.

Life

With ministry being such a demanding whirlwind, I have found that life has felt somewhat uneventful as of late. Nonetheless, there have been a few moments to note in the past weeks. One was the Faith, Sexuality, and Gender Conference with Preston Sprinkle at the beginning of the month, which I got to attend with some friends. I was personally enriched by the conference, and enjoyed getting to attend it with friends.

With my roommate Caleb soon to be married, this month was his last month in the Garden Rose household, and a new roommate named Quay taking his place. While I’m happy that my friend is stepping into a new season of life, knowing that he will soon be absent from the house definitely hit me when I saw boxes of his things starting to be packed to be moved to his new apartment. Nonetheless, I’ve been enjoying the small moments of being together with the roomies, whether it’s watching the new season of Ozark on Netflix, or cleaning the dishes that have been left in the sink for way too long.

One exciting piece of news to share is that my roommate Chris is now teaching me how to cook! Chris is an incredible chef, and often prepares food for many of our hangouts and corporate gatherings. He’s also an excellent instructor and a willing teacher who has decided to show me the ropes. While I can do simple dishes, I’ve never really immersed myself in the art of cooking. I’m excited to have Chris pass his knowledge and expertise to me, and I’m excited to learn from him over the next few months before he transitions to Reno.

A big personal area of growth for me this past month has been reprioritizing the Sabbath in my weekly rhythms. I usually try to keep a Sabbath on Fridays, where I don’t answer any emails or messages and shut myself off from ministry. However, the tyranny of the urgent has a way of rearing its ugly head in busy seasons, and at one point this month I realized I had not had a day off from ministry for 11 straight days. Sabbath is ultimately not a suggestion, but a command to be obeyed. I’ve been realizing I need to fight extra hard to protect this precious time, especially in busy times.

Soul

Last month, I talked a lot about regret and grief in the life of a Christan, and how it isn’t something that many of us are equipped to navigate. Toward the end of my thoughts, I shared how the way through regret and grief isn’t to ignore it or to try and bury it, but to face and accept it as a part of who you are. Yet what I didn’t really get a chance to write about was how you’re supposed to do that.

I’ve realized that the answer to that question is really a word. And that word is repentance.

In Matthew 3:2, Jesus tells all those who follow Him, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.” When I was in Bible college, I remember my Church History professor explaining how in the Vulgate (Latin translation of the Bible), the start of the verse said “Do penance” rather than “Repent”. This translation choice led to the Roman Catholic church insisting for centuries that in order to enter into the Kingdom of God, one had to practice the sacrament of ‘penance’. It wasn’t until Martin Luther translated from the original Koine Greek that he realized that the verse actually says “Repent”, rather than “Do penance”. Luther realized that Jesus’ command wasn’t to do individual acts of penance for the absolution of particular sins. Rather, he insisted that “the entire life of a believer ought to be one of repentance”.

But what does a life of repentance actually look like?

Truth be told, the quote by Martin Luther on repentance used to confuse me. How does one go about continually repenting, beyond the realm of mere abstraction? Does it simply mean being quick to repent when you do something wrong? And if true repentance isn’t found in performing acts of penance, then is true repentance simply to have a certain mentality, posture, or frame of mind when it comes to the wrong things you have done? And what makes that repentance valid or not? Is it only valid if I ‘really mean it’ – whatever that actually means? By what standard of measure is my repentance weighed or left wanting?

I used to think these were unimpeachable questions. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize that the questions I had about repentance were actually the wrong questions. I wasn’t asking the one right question.

The right question is actually, “If Jesus commands us to lead a life of continual repentance, then what is it that I must continually be repenting from?”

See, the reason that repentance was confounding to me was that I was still acting like a slave to the realm of works.

For a long time, I thought repentance was about recognizing and remedying wrong actions, rather than about recognizing and remedying a wayward heart: a heart that would rather trust in myself than put my trust in Him. Because a lot of times I’d rather be God than surrender to God.

That means that sometimes repentance means repenting of your successes and achievements, if those things make you boast more in yourself than in the sufficiency of His grace. Sometimes repentance means repenting of the fact that in all of your plans to build a life of stability, integrity, and safety, you somehow left Jesus’ radical call to uncomfortable discipleship out of the equation. And sometimes repentance looks like repenting of your goodness, because your goodness is a whitewashed tomb of self-reliance, self-aggrandization, and self-justification.

So I’ve been learning, and relearning, to lead a life of continual repentance and turning back again to Jesus; learning, and relearning, how to take the idols of my heart and smash them to smithereens.

And the more I do so, the more I’ve found that this is the only thing in others that has the power to impress me anymore.

I know of a lot of very intelligent, very driven, and very competent people in the realm of Christianity. But truth be told, I no longer care how many books you have written, how many churches you have started, or how many ministries you have led. I’m not in awe of your degrees, your credentials, your speaking or writing abilities, or your talents for the Kingdom. And I couldn’t care less about your social media brand, your clout in the blogosphere, or the reach of your platform.

Just show me your repentance. Because that is the measure of who you are as a Christian.

As life continues to unfold, I want to model for others what a life of repentance looks like.

At the end of the day, people will not remember the sermons I preached, the events I organized, the mission teams that I led, the social media posts that I shared, or even this blog that I kept up. The uncomfortable truth that all of us must face is that, in this quickly mutating digital age and era of information, the words we speak and write and the laundry list of accomplishments and credentials we think makes us worth listening to or being followed (whether those credentials are professional, educational, or ‘street cred’) will quickly fade into the cyclonic dust of the “next big thing”, never to be recalled or commemorated again.

But what will echo into eternity will be the everyday, ordinary, mundane, and humble repentance of sinners-turned-saints, who demonstrated to a world starved for Grace that there is a banquet awaiting all those who bow the knee to the King – a King who has already set the table for them.

And thankfully, there are plenty of seats to spare.

Sola Dei Gloria,
Andrew